Whenever I catch myself holding back on something, I ask myself two questions. What would I do if I wasn't afraid? What would I choose for myself if I wasn't afraid?

I don't always like the answer. That's usually how I know it's the right question.

If you lead people, or you're trying to decide something right now, this one's for you.

The story we tell after

A leader decides not to raise the uncomfortable thing in the meeting. Says yes to a request they should have said no to. Holds back the feedback that would actually help.

Ask them why, and the answer sounds like judgement. It wasn't the right moment. I didn't want to pile on. They've got enough on their plate already.

Ask them what they'd do if they weren't afraid, and the answer changes. It comes fast, and it's usually the opposite of what they did.

Judgement didn't make that call. Fear did. It just borrowed judgement's voice to explain itself afterward.

A different question

I sat on a piece of feedback for weeks once. Someone on my team, good at the job, kept missing a deadline that mattered. Every week, I found a reason to let it go one more time.

When I asked myself what was stopping me, the first answer was reasonable. I didn't want to pile on. They were already stretched.

When I asked myself what I'd do if I wasn't afraid, I didn't hesitate. Tell them today. Name it plainly, and ask what's actually going on.

Nothing about the situation had changed between those two questions. What changed was which part of me was answering.

What this asks of you

This isn't a case for being reckless, or for deciding that every hesitation is really fear. Some hesitation is real judgement, earned and worth keeping.

But some of it isn't. The only way to tell the difference is to ask the question, and listen to what comes back before the reasons arrive to explain it.

Reflection invitation

• Think about something you're sitting on right now, a decision you've been putting off or talking yourself out of.

• What would you do if you weren't afraid? Write down the first answer, before you start explaining it to yourself.

With you,

Linda

With yo